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Pantoum in which the Tenant Signs Her Lease

If I had the courage to be smarter,
                     the coffee would still stain the linen cloth,
the therapist wouldn’t cry when I said
                     I wish I had the courage to be smarter.

The coffee would still stain the linen cloth
                     in the time-lapsed film of a tulip blooming.
I wish I had the courage to be smarter.
                     The landlord read my left palm. I am not

in the time-lapsed film of a tulip blooming.
                     I used to be smarter, an old line faded as
the landlord read my left palm. I am not
                     the girl I was when I didn’t say no in October.

I used to be smarter, an old line faded as
                     I forget the Erebus, for the man to set fire to
the girl I was when I didn’t say no in October.
                     I explained the meaning of obsequious in tears.

I forget the Erebus for the man to set fire to
                     the woman primeval, I, the woman bowing authorial,
I explained the meaning of obsequious in tears.
                     Couldn’t I believe me, couldn’t I didn’t I keep me 

the woman primeval, I, the woman bowing authorial.
                     We discussed even play fields. One man for another.
Couldn’t I believe me, couldn’t I didn’t I keep me
                     disabused of trouble that October, the months before

we discussed even play fields. One man for another
                     in whom I border myself, seek a feather bloodied and
disabused of trouble that October. The months before
                     I left a man at the altar, kissed the back of my life.

In whom I border myself, seek a feather bloodied and
                     give me the svelte belief of any numeric truth. If
I left a man at the alar, kissed the back of my life,
                     I would have the courage to be smarter than this.

Give me the svelte belief of any numeric truth if
                     it means I will finally believe me. If I only survived
I would have the courage to be smarter than this
                     faint palm line, a crag of stupid I only survived.
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