Dear John

I’m bored and my heart is closing like a fist.
Resurrection season over, put the nail in the coffin for good.
In my free time I watch television shows about English Departments
and wonder why I want all my brain space taken up with work imitation
Today is the first day in a long while I will not see you
and the world continues to open anyway. The long bell in the morning
from the Orthodox church on the corner sounds for daybreak.
The shadows on the wall of the garbage truck, it’s Monday after all.
Did I remember to put the can out on the curb? The long list of things begs
and I answer seldomly. Ginger texts something funny and I laugh at the ceiling
7:00AM and already cackling because all my friends are brilliant women
who understand the pain of the heart. Danielle talks about intuition,
how in Aries season she knows who the snakes are the most. I asked her
even in Eden? Oh, before Eden, she replies. Of course, of course, before
time immemorial. How ancient the transgression, the knowledge.
Lilith, the first wife. Always, the first wife. Will I get married again?
Probably not. The heart can only contain so much for a lifetime.
I’m digressing again in avoidance, the double-down. The stakes
have been in hell so long, there’s no way now but up.