Truther

I confess
I’ve always been a bit of a
moon truther.
Say you’re kidding,
he’d say to me,
but I was never sure
and could promise nothing.
To clarify:
I knew I wasn’t kidding.
Nor was I serious.
I was laughing all the way through.
I reserved the right
to review the footage.
Somehow saying maybe not
was a way of saying yes.
I was holding space for doubt
which flushed my chest
warm as wonder.
A little room for wonder
I’m still unpacking.
With one window facing west,
one east, a telescope, a mural
of the constellations,
a sensory deprivation tank,
and a logbook of clues
about Hollywood’s collusion
with the military.
There are years I cry all the time
and years I don’t cry at all.
I can’t explain it.