April 12

Orthodox Sunday Videodrome Fig. 1

I stopped using
(oh let’s face it)

my beloved cocaine
in 1989
the poison that rose out of me holy shit sister
I’m not even kidding
took root in my cheeks turned them cartoon drunk red
and lumpy like bleeding oatmeal

now I’m addicted to a new drug that promises to make me a thinner younger va-va-voom movie version of myself because I’m fat! and old! and my blood is full of sugary easter eggs! delicious! almost like cocaine!
yummy!

I’m so fucking dangerous
(be handsome for the resurrection, Becky)

hallelujah hallelujah
now I’m a pale skinny goat a bleating half-wisp
one side of a sharp blade
floating in a blood kitchen
would you like some soup?
some bread?

I was raised in the holiest-holy-roly-poly-roller church
(before it was fashionable)  went downtown with pamphlets
explaining how babies were born into sin
how YOU will go to a fiery hell
do you remember Chick Tracts? that was me
oh my god it’s so goddamn funny now
I left them in phone booths by the metric ton

they are back those stupid stupid people
addicted to  murder and money and more murder
hallelujah hallelujah
wailing praise songs O lamb of god, I come I come
waiting to be lifted
into their terrible gold heaven




(sorry this poem is extremely drafty I just knew if I didn’t write something my brain would float off xo)